


Shindou's Go

by Kuukivi



Category: Hikaru no Go
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-16
Updated: 2012-02-16
Packaged: 2017-10-31 07:10:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/341321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kuukivi/pseuds/Kuukivi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Touya invites Shindou to stay overnight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shindou's Go

Shindou’s Go

 

Toya Akira invites Shindou Hikaru to play go at his home when Akira’s parents are in China. There is a strange desolate feeling about the big house when Akira spends the evenings there on his own. His mother calls him almost every day and money can buy food but there are those long evenings that seem endless while Akira sits under the kotatsu and explores the old kifus in his father’s collection. He feels like he is the only person alive on a planet of his own.

The comforting pa-chi sound of the go stones echo in the room where two rivals sit in front of the goban. Akira has been in the lead most of the game and wins by 5 moku but he’s not disappointed by the casualty of their game. It is always good with Shindou these days. Shindou’s mere presence is always challenging Akira to do his best, always making him excited in the ways none of his other opponents ever seem capable of doing. But it is late already and there is the familiar pang of loneliness in Akira’s heart when he sees Shindou looking at his watch and then yawning, stretching his hands high above his head revealing a thin slice of naked skin on his stomach. 

Akira looks away and the only thing he can think of is how to make Shindou stay a bit longer.

“Shindou, I wish you would stay…” His voice is low and he fears he might sound ridiculous but Shindou does not look like he is about to leave.

“Can I sleep in your room?” Shindou asks and Akira understands it must be strange for Shindou to be at Toya’s home. He wonders what Shindou’s home is like. He has a feeling it must be very different from his own; a different world as unfamiliar to him as his world is to Shindou.

Akira nods his agreement. While Shindou calls his mother to let her know, Akira goes to get another futon and places it next to his own. Akira wonders if he should loan one of his pajamas to Shindou but the other boy strips to his t-shirt and boxers and then gets under the blanket before Akira comes back from the bathroom. So Akira switches off the light and settles on his own futon and stares at the ceiling in the dim light of the streetlamps outside the house.

“Good night, Shindou,” he says.  
“Good night, Touya,” comes the reply yet both of them lay fully awake for a long while in the darkness.

It feels strange to be in his room with Shindou, lights out, listening to the other boy starting to breathe evenly next to him. Akira stares at the ceiling eyes wide open and lets his thoughts wander. Neither of them says a word. Akira wonders what Shindou is thinking, what paths his thoughts are taking before he enters the land of dreams. Is he thinking of Sai? Is he dreaming of him? There is a jealous nib in Akira’s chest like a reminder of the ache of an old heart break.

“Will you ever tell me about Sai?” Akira whispers almost inaudibly turning to look at the figure beside him and is almost shocked when he meets Shindou’s gaze in the dark. His rival wasn’t asleep yet after all.

“I will tell you now… if you want.” Shindou’s voice sounds soft and a little bit strangled and there is a hint of melancholy in what Akira can see of the other boy’s face. And then Shindou tells Akira everything. And Akira listens a little breathless, a million questions in his head but unable to voice any of them in his fear of breaking the spell of Shindou’s words. And there is pain in his rival’s voice when he tells Akira how he could not play anymore when Sai was gone and how selfish he had been all the time wanting to play, to catch Touya, to get stronger and have a go of his own.

Akira lays very still in the dark staring at Shindou, feeling crushed and elated at once. Shindou seems so honest and open to him now, like never before outside their game. And even if it is incredible and strange and above any of his wildest dreams, Akira believes him. He has witnessed some of it happening and Akira has always had some kind of mystic understanding of hidden things. Something Kuwabara-sensei would call the 6th sense. Akira remembers his favourite childhood folktales of ghosts and rivalry and passions strong enough to surpass death. Akira has felt Sai in Shindou’s go and he believes every captivating word the other boy is telling him. And every word of it breaks his heart.

He looks at Shindou in the dark when the other boy falls silent and Akira is not shocked by the shimmering wetness he sees on the other boy’s cheeks when Shindou tilts his head and the streetlight lights up his face for an instant. And he thinks of Shindou’s strength; how astonishing Shindou really is. How fast he has been able to get so strong, almost as good as Akira who has played go all his life. And then he remembers that high school go club tournament more than three years ago. The memory of it turns bittersweet now that he knows the truth. And it aches inside him - the truth of Shindou’s strength back then. He understands why Shindou had wanted to play against him instead of letting Sai play. To find out how much there was for him to chase in Toya Akira. He recognizes the determination to face your greatest fears to get stronger and suddenly he feels ashamed of the way he had yelled at Shindou, feeling disappointed and confused. There had been tears burning in the corners of Shindou’s eyes marking the bitterness of it all and Akira winces when he realizes how bad Shindou must have felt.

Toya Akira looks at his rival in the dark of the night of his own room and his heart is so full of compassion he thinks it might burst. He must force himself not to lean forward and kiss those tears from Shindou’s face. He must hold his hand still under the blanket to prevent it from reaching out and caressing his rival’s hair. And at that moment he feels he loves Shindou Hikaru like he has never loved anyone else.

“Hikaru…” he whispers gently, “I can still feel Sai in your go.”

***

Toya Akira wakes up early even though he’s only slept for a few hours, having restless dreams about a faceless ghost pointing at places of brilliance and insight on the goban with his fan. Everything seems so different in the soft light of morning. Shindou sleeps on the guest futon next to him. He looks peaceful in his dreams, curled up so that Akira can see his face framed with his silly two coloured hair. Akira looks at his rival and wonders at how beautiful Shindou’s lashes look against that smooth looking skin. There is nothing but tenderness in his eyes.

“Toya…” Shindou murmurs in his dream and it startles Akira for a moment. But the other boy is still asleep. 

Akira stands up from his futon and walks to the bathroom letting Shindou sleep a bit longer. He makes a simple breakfast of rice and furikake and spends a long time staring out of the window trying to remember every word Shindou said last night. His heart aches a bit, but in the background of it Akira feels peaceful. The truth did not break the spell. Shindou Hikaru is still his rival and knowing about Sai does not take anything away from them. It was Sai’s strength that made Akira notice Shindou when they met for the first time but for a long time now it has been Hikaru himself Akira has been after. Brilliant, amazing Shindou with endless possibilities and growing in strength so fast it both frightens and excites Akira. It is not Sai’s go anymore. It is Shindou’s go for Toya.  
***

 

When Shindou wakes up half an hour later they eat breakfast together and casually talk about go and the games they are scheduled to play that week. Neither of them says anything about ghosts or tears or secrets told in the dark.


End file.
